


All The Pleasures Of The World

by Midoki



Series: Attention: Teenagers. Read With Caution! [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Aromantic, Aromanticism Spectrum, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7122448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midoki/pseuds/Midoki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris and Hawke are now a couple. Somehow, at least.<br/>The fanclub business is booming and Isabella can't contain her nosbleed.<br/>And so, a new year begins - Hawke becomes the class president and the Hawke twins enter the first year of high school!</p><p>- In which everyone discovers that feelings must be expressed in order to be understood.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All The Pleasures Of The World

**Author's Note:**

> All right, this is going in a bit more serious direction. I would like to point out in advance that I tried my beat to approach the issue with appropriate respect. Please tell me in case I did a major mistake.

'New Year, new luck,' Carver thinks as he enters the school estate. Bethany beside him is undeniably excited. She has bought a new dress for the occasion. It's very pink and very frilly. 

He still can't believe she's succumbed to this weeaboo shit.

To be fair, she can pull it off. Her dark hair falls across her shoulders in gentle waves, decorated with little clips and ribbons. She has fortunately stopped her false eyelashes phase.  
The amount of makeup on her face is acceptable. If only the skirt would be a bit longer... But oh well, can't have it all.   
It's okay.

Nevertheless, Carver has secretly hoped Bethany would stop being so eccentric. Especially when he himself just randomly walks around in whatever his wardrobe offers.

"Look, Carver," she says and points across the school yard. "There's Garrett and his friends! Let's drop by and say hello." And off she is.

Their big brother is very excited and has offered to go to school with them. But there's no way in hell he will disturb his brother's every morning date with his boyfriend.

Firstly, they are disgustingly in love with each other. It is so obvious when they are basically joined at the hip, no chance of separating them.  
They can spread the PDA elsewhere (Bethany will argue that they don't do anything besides holding hands in public, but it's still too much for Carver's poor virgin boy heart).

Secondly, because Fenris is fucking creepy and will kill anyone who gets in the way of Hawke and his alone time.  
Which is always.

Carver still remembers the time his older brother brought Fenris home for the first time.   
"Hey," he said, "This is my boyfriend Fenris. It'd be nice if you could give him a warm welcome!" 

Ridiculous, as if Fenris was the new kid to be introduced at the campfire.

His mother and sister were very happy to meet Fenris, and so was Biscuit. It is almost like Carver is the only one to see what is going on! Fenris is just a weirdo with a very threatening death stare. Carver really doesn't know what Garrett sees in him.

Bethany on the other hand likes Fenris a lot. So do Biscuit and his mum.  
But there is no way he will be fooled! He will watch out for Fenris, just in case.

 

 

Due to inconvenient circumstances, Hawke has become class president. No one can really explain how and why, especially Hawke himself.  
He was really happy to finally be in the same class as Fenris, too.

Aveline gives him an approving smile. "You will do well," she says. "Also, there is lots of work ahead. You better get started."

That's not how Hawke wanted his second year to begin.

 

 

"I understand you must have many responsibilities now" is how Fentis congratulates Hawke in his own way. "Good luck fighting the endless battle of bureaucracy."

It makes Hawke cringe. "I'll find enough time for you," he promises. "There's still my representative, I'll make sure to include him just as much. Maybe I'll be lucky and nothing major happens this year!"

Fenris silences him with a fist bump against his shoulder.

 

 

Hawke figures out that making time is not exactly easy. As Lady Luck wants it, exactly this year several topics are to be discussed. The class rooms will probably get renovated, and another activity room is in the planning. All these matters have to be debated in the presence of every single class president.

The preparation adds up to the tons of homework he has to manage somehow.

Meeting up with his friends is just as difficult as meeting up with Fenris.

While everyone is understanding, it makes Hawke angry at himself. He should get a hold of himself! He seeks Aveline's advice.

"You must be aware that there is always something to do. That is why you have to have a break every now and then. A schedule might help." 

Hawke does just that. His friends agree to arrange a regular meet-up date, Friday evening.

 

 

"We should study together," Fenris proposes. "It's not much, but it's something."

Hawke is the luckiest boy on planet earth.

 

 

The Fenhawke Club is as busy as ever. They have, much to Hawke and Fenris' happiness, toned down the production of smutty pictures, instead focusing on the fluff.

"I don't even know anymore," a random fangirl tells Isabella. "You can read smut with a straight face, but not fluff! I think I almost like the new products better, they are so romantic!"

Carver is disgusted.

Bethany may or may not be the proud owner of the newest special edition.

 

 

Hawke doesn't really know what is going on. 

Isabella keeps bugging him with dirty jokes, and it makes him really uncomfortable. She's done that before and it has never been a problem, but now it's directed at Fenris and him, and he can't deal with this.

"I bet you'd like to bend him over the table right now," she smirks when she notices him staring at his boyfriend. Hawke feels slightly sick and shows no reaction.

When Hawke enters the classroom with a smile because he's in a good mood, Isabella's comment is "Wow, look who's had a nice round of lovemaking!" His mood immediately drops.

She doesn't notice how uncomfortable Hawke is, and he doesn't know how to bring it up.

Furthermore, he is not sure how Fenris thinks about this whole sex issue. You are supposed to have it, no? Honestly, Hawke has never really thought about it, not even with Fenris. Does that make him a bad boyfriend?

Varric is like usual the first one to notice that something is wrong with his best friend.

They meet up after school to have lunch together. Pizza makes everything better. Varric makes sure they're sitting in a secluded corner. As soon as they've both received their order, Varric asks "So, what is wrong now?"

Hawke shrugs and takes a large bite. You can't talk with a full mouth. He knows he should and secretly wants to tell someone, but he doesn't really know how.

They don't speak after they've finished half of their pizza each.

There's no sense in struggling, so Hawke opts for the usual routine when talking about his feelings - being blunt.  
"I don't want to have sex with Fenris," he says. It feels a bit wrong to put it like this, too harsh, neglecting all the minor details that prove this statement wrong.

Varric nods. "I see." He looks at Hawke, expecting him to elaborate. So he does.

"It's not that I don't like him or anything. Honestly, it very much feels the closest thing to love I've ever experienced. I totally get all that cheesy stuff going on in songs and movies. Butterflies in your stomach and all that crap. But... It makes me really uncomfortable when Isabella makes all those dirty jokes. And I really don't know what the hell is wrong with me because I'm supposed to wanna do him...?"

Food forgotten, Hawke nervously clings to his plate until his knuckles are white.

"Hawke," Varric answers with smooth, reassuring voice. "There is nothing wrong with you. You are not supposed to do anything but be yourself."

Hawke does not look to sure. "But this is not what should happen when you're falling in love with someone!" He looks miserable. It is obvious how much he cares about his relationship with Fenris.

Seeing that Varric is not shocked calms Hawke down a bit. Nonetheless, he's still very nervous. He's nervous when realisation sparkles in Varrics eyes, and he's even more nervous when Varric asks the question that is the answer to all his doubts.

"Have you ever heard about asexuality?"

Plants are asexual. They reproduce on their own. They are living creatures, somehow, but are not known for expressing emotions or feelings.

Hawke's face turns incredibly pale, and he feels dizzy.

"Don't panic," Varric says. It's a simple statement, not even demanding. Just a friend telling him not to freak out. Hawke tries to pay attention to his breathing.

Once he has made sure his friend is hydrated, Varric continues enlightening Hawke with the power of education.  
"It doesn't mean you're incapable of feeling emotions," he explains. "It just means you're sexually not attracted to people. It's a spectrum, as far as I know, and there are many terms linked to it. The thing I've picked up is that you can still be in a happy relationship and get married and whatever it is you want to do. I suggest you do some research to understand better."

Hawke can handle facts better than emotions. Facts make sense and are rational, not confusing at all.

"So I'm not... weird?" Hawke asks. His voice trembles a bit.

"You're not, Hawke." Varric pats his shoulder encouragingly, and Hawke feels okay.

 

 

Hawke knows he has to talk about it with Fenris. He just really doesn't know how. Its becoming an increasingly problematic issue.

Additionally, he also has to come out to his family and friends.

He did some research over the last few weeks, just as Varric proposed, and has now come to term with the fact that this is his sexual orientation. Which is very frightening, because how can he be in a relationship without sex? While he is not exactly repulsed, he's not positive about it either.

Probably, Hawke shouldnt worry so much because his family and friends are very accepting. They have already accepted him for being gay (homoromantic is the correct term in his case). He knows that Isabella and Anders are bi, used to being attacked for being born with a 'made-up' sexuality.

Still, he worries. Asexuality is not well-known and dismissed as special-snowflake-behaviour. What if anyone doesn't get it?

He can always count on Varric.

Which brings him back to his most prominent problem, Fenris' opinion. He wished he knew how to proceed.

 

 

Hawke gathers all his courage to have the dreaded conversation with Fenris. He thinks about which surroundings would be best. Somewhere private? His room?

Eventually, he decides to invite Fenris for another walk through the park. Taking Biscuit along might help.

 

 

Fenris doesn't show up.

 

 

No matter his condition, Hawke always shows up to Friday nights.  
That's why all his friends know something is up when he cancels.

 

 

Hawke is at home, contemplaiting his life and drowning in self-pity. Why did Fenris not show up? Did he do something wrong?

It's Merrill who visits him. "Hello, Hawke," she greets him. "Your mother let me in, I hope that is okay! I brought some cake to make you feel better."

Hawke slowly sits up and holds his pulsating head.

Merrill, like the sweet little baking fairy she is, has already brought a flowery plate and a fork with her. "Eat," she encourages him with friendly conviction.

He obeys. Stuffing his face with delicious cheesecake (Merrill topped it with blue- and raspberries, oh my god!!) makes him feel a bit better. It also means that there is no escape of her prep talk.

"Hawke," she says, and if Hawke didn't know her better, he would think her voice sounds stern.  
"There is no need worrying so much! Don't be sad. We are your friends and we will help you. I'm sure that you will make up with Fenris in no time."

Hawke doesn't have the heart to tell her that he's not even argued with his boyfriend in first place. Not yet anyways.

Merrill's tiny hand pats his arm with an amount of strength that is still mildly surprising to him.

"You can call anyone of us, yes?" Although she's gentle as always, there is a certain seriousness lingering in her words.

"I will."

 

 

Hawke decides to tell his family first. They are the ones who know him best.  
They support him and his relationship with Fenris.  
They deserve to know. 

 

 

The outing goes better than expected. Especially Bethany is cool about it, namely as tumblr has educated her well. His mum is a bit worried that he might label himself at a too-young-age, thus denying himself happiness. After explaining to her that it doesn't mean he can't have sex, at least in theory, she seems apeased.

Carver is a bit of a different mattet, but Hawke has expected that much. He accuses him of seeking attention and trying too hard to be different.  
Bethany luckily sets him straight (coming to term with his aceness may have caused Hawke's pun abilities to level up).

"All I want for you is to be happy," is what his mum tells him. Hawke nods. He won't disappoint her.

 

 

Fenris doesn't answer his phone. When Hawke tries to ring at his door bell, no one answers him.

 

 

Surprisingly enough, it's Carver who finds out about what is wrong with Fenris. Which is definitely not due to the fact that Carver has carefully observed him over the course of various weeks like the tsundere boy he is and knows where he goes when upset.

Carver decides to confront his brother's boyfriend.

He finds Fenris at the park, sitting in a quiet corner and staring onto the duck pond. Carver would not be surprised if this weird meditation is actually a daily ritual in order to summon a demon or something.

Apparently, it's a usually secluded spot because Fenris is very surprised to see Carver. He might even have jumped a little, if Carver really thinks about it. He'll never know for sure, though.

"What do you want," Fenris asks in a calm voice that sounds eerily enough like the one of a serial killer.

"I want you to apologise to Garrett," he answers. The quiver in Carver's voice is down to a minimum. He may be a slightly awkward, angry teenage boy, but no one messes with his family.

"I don't owe you anything." Fenris' face is emotionless and only vaguely condescending.

"But you owe Garrett."

SNAP, SNAP, SNAP! Bam, in your face! Please apply some cold water, because that burn sure *hurt*.

Although Fenris doesn't exactly catch fire, he looks at least taken aback. A clear victory for tsundere-boy Carver.

In fact, Fenris looks suddenly very sad and... Oh no, goddamit, Carver can't deal with sad people! Especially not those who regret what they've done and want to apologise and do... puppy eyes?

Unable to stay mad at a human being (statement may be questioned) who is able to pull off puppy eyes, Carver crumbles like chocolate chip cookies. "Oh my god, just talk to him, he won't rip your head off!"

What is this, a parallel universe? Because Fenris looks suspiciously grateful.

 

 

Knowing that there is no way to avoid it, Fenris finally agrees to talk.

The park again, with Biscuit at their side.

"So," Hawke begins, "I know that things might have been a bit... bumpy. As in, I guess I didn't do a good job being your boyfriend. I'm very sorry about that."

Fenris shakes his head. "No, there is no problem with that. You did well." Upon Hawke's insecure look, he adds "You have been a good boyfriend."

That makes Hawke smile.

"In fact," Fenris continues, "It is more the other way around. I am- I'm surprised you haven't broken up with me yet." His tone is sarcastic, but also distinctly vulnerable.

"But why?" Hawke is genuinely confused. "Why should I break up with you? Because there is absolutely no reason to."

"No reason?" 

The shift of the atmoaphere is almost visible.

"Yes," Hawke quietly says. He feels uncomfortable, because sonething is wrong. But he can't tell what. So he tries to explain "I don't see why I should break up with you because you have treated me very well so far. You listen to me rambling, you let me follow you around. You don't conplain about my random comments and you tell me what you think. These are some of many, so, as I said, there is no reason at all-"

Suddenly, Fenris' face has gone cold and sharp. "If you would maybe open your eyes for once, you would see all of them!"

Hawke panics.  
"I'm sorry! I don't get it, please explain it to me!" He pleads with what he hopes not to be desperation. 

All of Fenris' pent-up feelings are rushing out of him with a sudden blow.   
"What is there not to get, Hawke? You have spent every single morning since the day we met trying to get closer to me! You pay attention to what I say although you love talking, you bring me coffee and introduce me to your friends and family! You act like I'm the most precious person in your life and I can't deal with it!"

Both are trying to breathe.

Hawke feels dizzy and nauseous. What has he done to be the subject of Fenris' anger? Has he been too touchy? Demanding too much attention. Fenris is a private person, does he need more time for himself?

He thinks about leaving for a short second. But he knows that he has to clear this matter out now.  
He stays.

"Why?" is what he asks.

"Because- Fucking hell, Hawke, I don't even know what's going on!"

Silence.

"Wait," Fenris says before Hawk can faint. "Despite... everything, I care about this. So let me explain, okay?"

They find a bench for Hawke to sit down. Biscuit lays down at their feet.

"I assume you have already noticed that I'm distant when it comes to interacting with other people, including even you."

Hawke weakly nods.

"It might be true that I'm not good at this romance thing, at least not like most people. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you. And while I'm a bit touch averse, and I'm not good at dealing with too much of skinship, I am not repulsed by it. You know me, I don't do anything I'm not comfortable with. I just need a bit of space every now and then."

By now, Fenris' voice has gotten a bit softer.

"I am starting to believe that I'm not hit by a wave of romantic feelings like it's always described. This whole kiss-in-the-rain business. I don't need that.  
But I'm as close to experiencing those emotions as possible with you. I like having you around, and you're important to me."

Hawke has forgotten how to speak. Is this what it feels like when someone confesses their love to you?

Fenris takes his hand and everything is over. The dam breaks, tears are overspilling. Hawke is allowed to cry into his boyfriend's shoulder.

 

 

They keep sitting there for a considerate amount of time. Hawke's tears have faded into a hiccup. Fenris' face is expressionless as he rises from the bench.

"I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore," he says. "I just hope we can still be friends."

Hawke hastily stands up. "Wait, no-!" He interrupts himself. "Before we break I have to tell you that I'm asexual. And I'm sorry if I overburdened you."

"What is that?" Fenris slowly asks. "I've never heard of it."

"It means that I'm not attracted to people in a sexual way. And it worried me because that is kind of what a relationship is for, no?" Hawke is incredibly nervous, so he just squeezes all those words out as fast as possible.

"I... see." Studying Hawke's face for a few moments, Fenris seems to be in deep thought. Finally, he concludes "So a bit like me, only with sex."

Hawke blushes. He still feels a bit uncomfortable to speak about it. At the same time, he's glad that Fenris is taking him seriously.

"That is good, as I'm not interested in that either."

The amount of relief Hawke feels is enormous. That means no pressure when it comes to that level of intimacy! They can take it slow.

"I suppose that I'm not very interested in that kind of issue in general. Except maybe with people I know well enough, like you." It might be an illusion, but Hawke could swear that he saw the self-doubt leave his boyfriend's green eyes.

Fenris takes Hawkes hand in his own.

"I get what you mean," Hawke adds, trying to loosen up the situation. "I always thought everyone was over-exaggerating when they were talking about how hot someone was! I mean, how can you wanna do the do with a stranger? I get that you can say they're pretty, or their hair is nice, or their clothes are cool, but as in even inagining- I just keep thinking, what if they actually suck and you don't get along with them? I don't wanna do things with people I don't get along with!"

The rambling calms both of them down. They're used to it.

"I definitely agree with you," Fenris answers. "The same applies to romance for me as well, though."

Hawke formulates the next sentence slowly, as if he for once actively thinks while speaking. "When I looked up the term asexuality, I actually also read something about aromanticism. I don't really want to label you as something, but... Maybe looking it up might help you understanding?"

"And that is...?"

"You're romantically not attracted to people. It's a spectrum, you know? It's different for everyone. From what I've gathered, you are not romance-repulsed. That's good for me, I guess. But you are not actually... dependent on it? As in, you do not have the urge to be in a romantic relationship?"

"More like any relationship at all," Fenris comments with a hint of sarcasm.

"Maybe you're also demi? It means that you don't feel romantic attraction until you've established an emotional bond with someone."

"That... might be. I'll look it up."

Hawke offers him a smile. "This about you in first place. You don't have to do anything. But if you need help, you can count on me."

Comfortable silence.

Fenris nods. "I guess that's it then-"

"Do you want to break up?" Hawke blurts out. He immediately elaborates "Because I don't want to! Can we not break up? Please?"

Fenris stares.

"I still want to be your boyfriend if you'll have me," Hawke concludes. His hand is still in Fenris'. He gives it a gentle squeeze. After a moment of reluctance, Fenris squeezes back.

"I would like that."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to all ace and/or aro people who might not feel represented in a proper way...   
> Instead of defining Hawke and Fenris' orientations, I tried to focus on how they feel instead.  
> Plus, there is also a certain part of personal coming-to-terms in this one.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
